the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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