He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
