Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
