I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
