From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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