he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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