??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
