I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
