mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
