So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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