Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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