my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
