I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
