matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
