if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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