I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
