and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
