I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
