Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
