i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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