and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
