I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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