hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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