this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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