a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he thought i was a dude.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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