ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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