i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
bring money and cleavage
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
