she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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