maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
