And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
