Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
