I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
