The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dick very happy bro
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize