He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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