I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
