If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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