Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
