you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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