She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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