I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
