Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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