You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
