I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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