I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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