and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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