I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
