What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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