tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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