Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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