drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
