How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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