I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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