So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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