You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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