alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
