Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
