I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
