I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
