What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
