quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
