im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
