So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
