dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
