I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
