I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
