Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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