: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
