i wish peter jackson would direct porn
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i dont even know how to be here
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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