All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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