Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
