So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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