..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize