Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
