she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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