It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
