You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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