I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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