Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
