Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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