it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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