And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
is wine microwaveable?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
