I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
