tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
