My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
