My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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