I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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