Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
