I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
