3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
