from now on my penis is your penis
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My dad is sitting where you rode me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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