She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
