It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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