This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
