She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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