after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
