is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
